I surrender (my dear)

i'm on a boat.

Apparently pirates still exist. I know all about the scary Somalian kind, or the Filipino ones that fucked up Mr. Zissou, but I'm talking about the classy cool kind with liquor and silly costumes and eye patches. Grand. Theft. Aqua.

Peoples empty speedboats do not equal bar patios, even in Winnipeg. Just making memories, no regrets bitches.

cigarettes from barchet's

Awkward situations are funny and can be pretty awesome in terms of the cuteness factor, depending on who you're talking too, or being awkward around. I mean how often do you get to be awkward anymore? It's like turning your back on a large part of your childhood. And the funny thing about being awkward now, at this age, is you know you're being awkward.

So your thinking back at that first time you realized polite, cute as button girls in cardigans and high-waisted skirts are hotter than like... 20 Audrina Partridges (no offence Audrina) and your friends are all into boobs and bikinis (which is cool too, but...) and your like... man is this a new form of gay or am I just super cool? A bit awkward for a little guy right? I think that's when cute and awkward first met, but you gotta be cute to make awkward a pass. And you can't be awkward all the time, cause awkward is how a boy knows that this super cute girl might be his super cute girl in the near future.

a softer world

Dear Nintendo

We need a new Mario game, where you rescue the princess in the first ten minutes, and for the rest of the game you try and push down that sick feeling in your stomach that she's "damaged goods."A concept detailed again and again in the profoundly sex negative instruction booklet, and when Luigi makes a crack about her and Bowser, you break his nose and immediatley regret it.

When Peach asks you, in the quiet of her mushroom castle bedroom, "do you still love me?" you pretend to be asleep. You press the "A" button rythmically, to control your breath. Keep it even.

-Joey Comeau

like glory's gate

"Don't be mean to me, I just wanted to flirt with you"
- Stevesy

take off your glove first you'll enjoy it more

So let's not forget that besides being a total creeper... even if he didn't do those things to those boys... MJ also totally out bid McCartney for the rights... er usage... er whatever the technical term is for a large majority of Beatles songs belonging to Mister Lennon himself after Johns death.

So thats like your mom dying, than your creepy neighbour runs over and steals all the photographs of her... and her secret recipes. I'd be all bummed and crying and feeling ever so weakened by all the days events.

What an asshole, right? Paul must have been so sad, watching Jacko selling Beatles songs to mini-van commercials. Not that I'm one of those HUGE beatles fans, I'm not really an actual "fan"... who is anymore? That shit is so mainstream; saying you like The Beatles is like saying you like toast with jam.

So, Micheal Jackson, you were pretty fly when you were a young guy... but thanks for leaving the party a little early. You were creeping people out.

indian summer

I know it's old news, and we all know the glory of chucks. But ever notice how high top Chuck Taylors always seem to lock down an outfit, no matter how fucked up and outrageous it is. Even on not so "cool" people, like the homeless....which is a lie, cause they are very cool.

It's just in that special way that only Converse could, even vans and addidas can't seem to totally clear someones sense of style on certain days in particular. Like if some crazy fucking hobo is charging at you with the standard hobo attire, and strapped on those feet are soggy nikes from 1996, your gonna be all like "Fuck, I don't recognize this dude, this guy right here is gonna stab me." But if hes got converse than who knows right? Not so scary, probably just a street kid...

Like you could probably slap a pair of chucks on Darfur or even Iraq and we'd all be like "Yeah, whatever, their looking pretty sharp, i think its all going pretty super awesome for everyone over there."

give me your eyes i need sunshine

A girl without freckles is a night without stars.

smiles and skateboards

The secret to partying is you have to deserve it.

When you go out every night the whole thing becomes a big boring chore. But when you just finished a bitch shift at work, than hiked from the vendor, where you've just bought king cans with the pocket change found in your couch (pocket couch change), too that park next to that creepy old house, and everyone else is happy to be there.... you know the night is going to be so much fun you wish your brain recorded video.

it's not even a test day

Fuck you immune system, you think you can just drag me down like that? We'll you're not getting off easy, I'm not 6 years old and can't simply stay home, watch Samurai Pizza Cats, and eat Froot Loops 'till I throw up.

So this is the deal, I'm gonna go to work (yes you have to come) and than after work we'll try napping it out, but after that it's all beer and cigarettes.... you've had plenty of chances over the past week.

you pedal pretty fast (for a girl)

Out of all the others,

I'd miss you the most.

meanwhile manliness thunders on

Makeup is okay if you’re a Vegas showgirl, or a drag queen, or even a burn victim with something to hide, but the rest of you need to stop trying to draw a pretty face on.... your face.

More freckles please.

king cans and back hands

Too cute for the universe type women (the ones who wear old man sweaters and have cigarette burns in their summer dresses) like to pretend they aren’t going to have kids, cause it's like admitting your life is gonna be a housewife dead end (very unoriginal). But when they see moms glide down the street in doc marten boots, and a haircut that would make the "Girl, Interrupted" herself jealous they secretly think, “One day.”

Not like I'm dying to create little small people with these girls, this is simply what I chose to believe...

jumping in puddles

Also, I'm writing this silly blog 'cause I think you're neat.

young and idealistic

Now all that racial tension is over, and everyone sees the merit of fun stuff like sex, drugs, and rock and roll can we take the rest back to the 50s, please? How about a time when all men were war heroes and women dressed like presents.