cold and ache

"lemons are forever as blue skies never change" or so is written on the bathroom walls in this wolseley bar, next to floyd's drawings of ten toes and my sharpie of a woman's shape. and, well, i wish i were the one but sure as shit i'm not (again and again) but it was a worthy chance taking. and i'll miss you seeing as i've let the dream go, but a chilled heart never warms up to such an empty bed, no matter the blankets and no matter the afterthoughts. will i be the man i wanna see at an age much older than twenty two, or three? or will i just be stuck in another place i don't wanna be, absent from the you's and me's. i don't think i will ever get it right, i don't wanna be free, i want to be a part of you and if you'd like you can be part of me. but i will always chose the wrongs and will have to start again. i'm more or less alive but neither makes me feel any more than just fine, and i'm made up of things that stop me from believing in anything (religion is shit and politics are useless) but i believe in the everything which is you. i believe in you. probably cause i like you. i definitely like you.