Kierkegaard sees the self as a relation between two points. A duality of finite infinite, the free mind vs. the necessary body. however we are not a syntheses of these two elements. not to say we are strictly half mental half physical, or that these two interact. the self is the relation (a relation between two relata). in this case the relation itself is the relation of the relata. a novel, for example, is a relation between two relata, these relata being paper and the written word. the combining of these two elements creates the novel. we don't look at the novel and, when asked, say "oh, that is a combination of words and paper!" we simply see the novel. This makes the paper and the word irrelevant or non-existent. we are no longer looking at the relation, we are looking at the product of the relation (the relata drops away). and like this, the relation between relata and self drops away. we see only self. the more we relate to the relation the more we are the relation. self is a verb or an action! Asking “who am i” is your relation relating to itself, it is this act which is the self. this, however, is where despair enters. this relation is trying to end itself. the unanswerable question of "who am i", if answered, would end the question, thus ending the relation, thus ending the self.
